Prison of My Mind

My mind is my prison. I live in it and there is no other way out. I can sit there and watch my mind flowing from one image to another image with jumps. There is a loop which thinks about all kinds of “why” and all kinds of causes and effects. Cause and effect is a such ironic beast. Self reflection on self reflection. A classical recursion on reflection itself. There is a regression and reasons with no ending. Images flows by. With images, there are emotions flown too. I sit there quietly watching myself thinking. Why I’m thinking. Why I thought about what I learned or read. What’s in me that is original, which I can call “Yeah, that is me”. For each question, there is an awnser to it from what I read, but they are not mine, and there are so many views which are easily convencing as to explaining these questions. Then I asked why I asked these questions? I comes to the questions or questions come to me? This question again is from what I read about. The question I interpreted in different ways given me in different time or conditions. If it is true, then how can I know what text really means. I remembered I read something debating author vs writer. That is again connected with last question.

All these thinking DOES NOT matter at all. It is all jumble together that would manifest itself when my body is not well. I believe in the body and mind is the same thing. When my body is not well, my mind is in a jumble state where many things pops up. Reasoning in the state is unreasonable and potentially violence. I love my prison. It gives me joy and happiness. To thinking about math, logic, metaphysics and many more, is such a wonderful thing. Working is a joy. Working with the equals and like minded engineers. I talk in logic, and share knowledge, and I debate with engineers. I learn from other engineers. I relies on other engineers to recognize my blind spots. The knowledge stays in work not in life. In life, there are important figures helping to grow: Nietzsche, David Hume, Immanuel Kant, Thich Nhat Hanh, David Foster Wallance. I want to know more in life. Their books, their insights and love help me to grow, and to understand. I love life.